Sometimes Everything Really is OK!

Do you know what the top selling 2012 pornographic films contain?

I do.  I have seen excerpts.  I have read descriptions of them and I have read the statistical analysis of the number of punches, kicks and slaps delivered to the women in these films as well as the number of times they are called by derogatory and slang terms for their physical anatomy.  I know that the great majority of these films depict women's faces obliterated by massive amounts of sperm in the "money shot" and that multiple and anal penetration is normalized in the largest segment of the industry, called "Gonzo".

How can this NOT be considered obscene under the supreme court 1973 decision abbreviated below:

obscene material legal definition

The U.S. Supreme Court set up a test for obscenity in its 1973 decision Miller v. California. The Court provided three “basic guidelines”:

• “Whether the average person, applying contemporary community standards, would find that the work, taken as a whole, appeals to the prurient interest.
• “Whether the work depicts or describes, in a patently offensive way, sexual conduct specifically defined by the applicable state law.
• “Whether the work, taken as whole, lacks serious literary, artistic, political, or scientific value.”

These different guidelines are sometimes called the prurient-interest, patently offensive and serious-value prongs of the Miller test.

It's past due for another look at what pornography is today.  You blinked and it got UGLY real fast.  This ain't your daddy's Playboy.  This is a multi billion dollar industry profiting off the humiliation and degradation of women. If you are trying to raise children today you know exactly what I'm talking about. 

             PORN HARMS EVERYONE

Post Traumatic GROWTH

What is posttraumatic growth? It is positive change experienced as a result of the struggle with a major life crisis or a traumatic event. Although we coined the term posttraumatic growth, the idea that human beings can be changed by their encounters with life challenges, sometimes in radically positive ways, is not new. The theme is present in ancient spiritual and religious traditions, literature, and philosophy. What is reasonably new is the systematic study of this phenomenon by psychologists, social workers, counselors, and scholars in other traditions of clinical practice and scientific investigation.
What forms does posttraumatic growth take? Posttraumatic growth tends to occur in five general areas. Sometimes people who must face major life crises develop a sense that new opportunities have emerged from the struggle, opening up possibilities that were not present before. A second area is a change in relationships with others. Some people experience closer relationships with some specific people, and they can also experience an increased sense of connection to others who suffer. A third area of possible change is an increased sense of one’s own strength – “if I lived through that, I can face anything”. A fourth aspect of posttraumatic growth experienced by some people is a greater appreciation for life in general. The fifth area involves the spiritual or religious domain. Some individuals experience a deepening of their spiritual lives, however, this deepening can also involve a significant change in one’s belief system.

http://ptgi.uncc.edu/

Now this is an idea I can get behind!  Maybe it's just a fancy word for what some lucky survivors have been experiencing for many years.  I want this to be true for me.  I went back to my trauma therapist even though I posted that I graduated.  I had a relapse, a trigger.  She talked about attachment disorders and somatic therapy, then suggested I take a week's vacation and do something that fills me up. That's a fun assignment and I know just how to do it.  

Since I recognized my trigger, and got past the feeling that I was in a dream state, I have been feeling better.  I also have had some really tremendous support from friends and family.  It's critical to have good people in one's circle and to acknowledge their help.  People give more freely than I imagine and I am needlessly embracing my shame of having to ask for help.  so.....THANK YOU!

Apologies and Repentance

"Powerful and sneaky people use apologies as end runs around repentance. They betray a trust; and, when they have been found out, they say they are sorry for "mistakes in judgement"... They get by only because we have lost our sense of the difference between repentance for wrong and apologies for bungling... We should not let each other get away with it. A deep and unfair hurt is not a mere faux pas. We cannot put up with everything from everyone; some things are intolerable. When someone hurts us deeply and unfairly an apology will not do the job; it only trivializes a wrong that should not be trifled with." -- - Lewis B. Smedes, "Forgive and Forget"

Definition of Battering

"Battering is the establishment of control and fear in a relationship through violence and other forms of abuse. the batterer uses acts of violence and a series of behaviors including intimidation, threats, psychological abuse, isolation, etc., to coerce and control the other person. The violence may not happen often , but it remains as a hidden and constant terrorizing factor."




Taken from a worksheet from a community domentic violence center.

Stunkle’s Truth

by Frieda Hughes

He'll take your words and make a noose
To hang you from the garden spruce,

He'll change your truth to something else

In order to defend himself.

Black is white and white is black,

He'll beat you with it till you crack,

Lies are truth and truth can lie,

Stones can swim and camels fly.

Liberal Men and Pornography

On liberal men

“For the last 30 years and more, I have watched liberals in America…try to repackage pornography and prostitution as a hip and groovy thing, a liberating thing, something novel and progressive and good for us all, men and women alike. Allegedly Leftist, Progressive men declare their loyalty (both as customers and partisans) to one of the biggest and most exploitative sweatshop industries of them all. Men who would not be caught dead wearing Reeboks or Nikes, or drinking Starbucks coffee, can still kid themselves into thinking Larry Flynt is some kind of People's Hero.”

-D.A. Clarke in Not For Sale