It's been nearly three months since I stepped out of my long marriage and into my own skin. I've done a few nice things for myself, moved some furniture, re-vamped my closets, cut my hair differently and did some work on my house. It all feels so easy. It's remarkable how these simple things can make me feel more like myself. Today I arranged flowers in preparation for Thanksgiving.
My depression has lifted and I'm able to confidently stop taking anti-depressant medication. This is something I was using as a support and it's wonderful to let go, to move forward. I feel like I'm repairing a favorite car which had been neglected. Funny analogy, but what the heck.
I'm still active on several support forums. I see my "old" self in many of the women who are struggling to understand and find a path in difficult partnerships. Sometimes I am triggered by harmless images of women, mostly nudes. Sometimes I am still triggered by just seeing young girls. They live in a dangerous world where they are objectified before they even have a clue. That bothers me and sometimes those thoughts and images follow me into my sleep. I got irritated watching a rehab TV program the other night. It's too hard to feel that kind of empathy just yet.
All in all I am looking forward to a day of Thanksgiving. So much has fallen back into the place where it belongs. I'm settling in and letting this softer current take me along.
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