Be a Witness

Women living with Verbal, Emotional or Physical Abuse are most often living in isolation and denial about their circumstance.  At a fundamental level they know something is wrong but it becomes confusing and hard to identify when it is their partner, whom they love, that is perpetrating the abuse. An abuser doesn't start out name calling, diminishing, mocking, controlling or ignoring his partner or they couldn't attract her.  The cycle of abuse forms over time and because abuse is always followed by periods of non abuse the woman believes that she is loved and that the abuse was temporary.  The longer these cycles continue the more she needs a Witness. Long term abuse causes the abused woman to develop Abuse Amnesia as a protective coping mechanism. Needing a Witness is critical for children as well who are abused or who experience it done to others.

So, how can you be a Witness?  The best way to be a Witness is to wait until the abusive incident is passed and the abuser is elsewhere.  Take a private moment to tell the abused woman or child that what happened was Wrong and that they didn't cause it to happen.  Validate their feelings by letting them know that you experienced the event and that what happen was real. To a child you might also say that the abuser's heart must be hurting for them to say and do such mean things.

I had a Witness at a critical time. ( Thank you D.W.) It gave me a touchstone to know that I was not crazy, that it really happened and seen through another's eyes I could see that I didn't cause it.  Abusers seldom abuse in public so if you are a Witness you have a rare opportunity to help someone gain dignity and self respect.  If someone tells you that they think they are being abused, they probably are.