to cry on and slaying dragons. This other and my dream of attachment to him, was an important part of my exit plan from my family of origin. Though I was a caregiver to several younger siblings, diapering and lugging them around, in my fantasy there was none of this, only my one true love's embrace. Later, as an adolecent, I longed for a oneness that is the subject of poetry and music. Reality as it turns out is quite different. Sadly, by the time many of us understand reality we are emeshed in realtionships chosen from the perspective of our younger selves.
An important characteristic of genuine love is that the distinction between oneself and the other is always maintained and preserved. Only when the couple learns that at true acceptance of their own and each other’s individuality and separateness is the only foundation upon which a mature marriage can be based, real love can grow. The genuine lover always perceives the beloved as someone who has a totally separate identity. Moreover, the genuine lover always respects and even encourages this separateness and the unique individuality of the beloved. Failure to perceive and respect this separateness is extremely common, however, and the cause of much mental illness and unnecessary suffering
(excerpted from maturityfoundation.blogspot.com Dr.Alexander George)
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