There are after shocks. Small tremors that disrupt the everyday calm and are sad reminders of loss. For myself it's mainly the loss of an intact family and the dream of a loving partner. Women who have left abusive partnerships are left..with lots to sort through going forward. Not so much everyday but every now and then a tremor of realization. It feels like throwing another shovel full on the grave.
This blog is my attempt at processing with the hope of helping. Women like me are heavily invested in 'family'. The abuser counts on that. Most of us stick it out far too long and give many "second chances". In my conversations with women who have left or are trying to leave I see so many repeated themes. I'm certain that we are statistically alike. So our recovery takes a similar path. It's a mine field of after shocks as the result of trauma. Falling down, getting up and doing better. We rely on and seek out the soft shoulders of friends and family and we examine our hearts in the solitude of our days and nights
Likewise, abusers are statistically predictable. Most have ego issues (narcissism) that demand they re-create relationships very quickly as their identities virtually hang on the narcissistic feed of a partner. This quick re-insertion into a relationship insures that there will be not one moment to risk falling into consciousness and their hell self hatred and shame for past behaviors. Self reflection in their case is akin to suicide. In complete opposition, self reflection by partners of abusers is our light of saving grace.
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