How to read this blog, and a few other thoughts.

This blog was written sequentially over the last two years but it posts with the most recent entry first.  It occurred to me that although I'm grateful for you to dive in at any point, it's a good reminder to say that the earlier posts here will show the progress of my thinking (discovery) and of the research I've done.

Since my divorce was final six months or so ago I have posted less often.  I've been floating about and trying out life on my own. One thing that I have noticed is my awareness of my "critical voice".  You know the expression "if you lie down with dogs you come up with fleas"?  That's what I think of when I hear my critical voice.  Living with an abusive and critical partner of many years I now struggle to understand that voice that judges others and judges mySELF as well.

For now I'm glad to have the awareness even though I'm working on the details of whose voice it is, mine or his.  My hope is that I reduce that voice to a very low rumble that is barely heard above the empathetic vibration of my life.  I am triggered every so often also by events that remind me of my earlier self, the one who spent so much time enmeshed and preoccupied with the mind of her abuser. (which by the way leads to the perpetuation of abuse!)  I hope to identify them  earlier and cause less chaos in my interactions with others.

 I have started reading Embracing Our Selves, by Hal Stone and Sidra Stone.  Perhaps I will gain some insight there that I can share with you.