"Any abusive, violent, coercive, forceful, or threatening act or word inflicted by one member of a family or household on another can constitute domestic violence"
In my experience most women who are in abusive partnerships do not recognize it until the abuse is wildly out of control. Abuse doesn't start at level 10, it starts quietly and intensifies over time. Additionally, women have been socially trained to demure to our male partners. In fact it is in some cases considered taboo to act independently within our marriage, or "without permission" regardless of our competencies.
We are often regarded as capable, insightful and trustworthy outside our partnerships. Yet, inside the marriage we are told we are incompetent, delusional and sneaky. Because of our original trust in our intimate relationship, we regard these falsehoods as possible. I cannot tell you the times I examined my conscious after having been blamed and defined in an untruthful way by my partner.
These remarks are often covert and their delivery escalates over the years. They may be deguised as "helpfulness" in the beginning. Along the way, the cycle of abuse becomes a pattern and slowly our self image is "guided" by these abusers and we become confused and less able to advocate for ourselves. Many of us are certain our abusers do not fit the stereotypical image of abusers. We may not be hit, slapped or pushed. So we do not think of ourselves as victims of Intimate Partner Violence. We are.
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