Fix it Syndrome

Fix-It Syndrome - Fix-It Syndrome is when an  individual frequently puts themselves in the position of a caretaker who is responsible for compensating for their  loved-one's behaviors, cleaning up any messes created by their actions and fixing any problems arising from their issues.

A large number  are fixers and rescuers - well meaning individuals who try to use their own ability to bring about change in others through the power of influence, persuasion, coercion or charm.

The Attractive Role of a Fixer or Rescuer

Fixers & rescuers often engage themselves in supremely noble activities. Like martyrs, they often sacrifice their own goals and hopes for the sake of the other person. There are a number of possible reasons why many of us cast ourselves in that role.

Nobility - This kind of self sacrifice is sometimes encouraged by popular cultural and religious beliefs. There is a strong cultural narrative that teaches us that it is more noble to give than to receive and that those who adopt this philosophy will prevail in the end. Many of our cultural heroes are people who martyred themselves or sacrificed themselves for a cause. Some of us, while we are suffering in silence, privately hope that we are winning the admiration of friends and family for doing so.

Action - Sometimes, when the world around us seems to be imploding in a world of crazy destruction, it can seem foolish to do nothing. At least if we are hacking our way through a jungle we have something to do and a task to focus our energy on. It can be therapeutic to take our frustration and confusion out on a project and sometimes the extra adrenaline we get from frequent conflict with our personality-disordered family members can be channeled to give us a kind of "super-human strength" to accomplish amazing things.

Latent Justice - Some of us, religiously or otherwise, view the universe as a place where all will be made equal in the end. Like some kind of emotional bank account, we pay in our efforts and sacrifices hoping and believing that some day, in this world or in the next, we will reap all that we have sewn, with interest.

Guilt & Pride - Some of us, while we are working hard on ourselves or on "the relationship", harbor a hidden vengeance and secretly plan for the day when our loved-one will "See the light", "come to their senses" or "pay back what is owed". We may secretly imagine our loved one coming to us, acknowledging all that we have done for them, and asking or pleading for our forgiveness.

(edited from www.outofthefog.net)


Do you recognize yourself in the role of rescuer or fix-it syndrome?  I hope the list of underlying motivations listed above will give you some clarity. It's important to reflect on motivations that may have contributed to tolerating an abusive relationship so that we can change our thinking.