Getting beyond (making peace with) the betrayal in my long marriage may be the single most difficult task I have and certainly it will take time, and for me, examination and exposure along the way. It is as much a need to recount the betrayal as it is the dedication to reality that I must now maintain in my review. This is painful and necessary.
Much of the pain is about the fact that my years of acceptance of my partner's behaviors and words contributed to my losses today. Simply stated, I participated. Whether from ignorance or denial my complicity in the face of his relentless addictions and truly unloving behavior allowed this result. Some days, it is little compensation to know that through pain comes growth and that life is difficult.
BTT (betrayal tauma theory)postulates that betrayal traumas—abuses perpetrated by someone the victim trusts and depends upon—pose unique challenges to the victim, creating a conflict between the need to maintain a relationship and the need to respond to betrayal with protective action. While protective action might usually involve confronting or withdrawing from the perpetrator, the requirements of maintaining a necessary relationship may make such a response dangerous. BTT proposes that this bind leads to a number of serious reactions, including betrayal blindness and risk for mental and physical distress. Although child abuse is the prototypical betrayal trauma, Platt, Barton, and Freyd (2009) have also explored the plight of battered women in terms of betrayal trauma theory.
http://csws.uoregon.edu/wp-content/docs/publications/ResearchMatters/2009_fallRM.pdf
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