Narcissism is a trait that we all express but it becomes a problem in it's degree of expression particularly as it relates to sexuality. Narcissists, Ken tells us, can't relate on a genuine level with others as a result of
the wound created from "not good enough" reflection by the parent. This creates a lack of deep spiritual self and results in a constant searching from one sexual experience to another in order to fill the wound.
Ken states that this wound is fairly prevalent along with the characteristics of anger, rage and entitlement. When the sense of entitlement is contested, the rage follows. The narcissist uses his partner(s) as objects of reflection in an effort to make a connection between ego and self that he cannot himself make. What the narcissist creates is a false self that is centered around his own desires as if he is the center of the universe. He cannot empathize, it is a 'me first' expression.
The narcissist seeks transient reflection through sexual encounters as an expression of the wound and to fill the void. Ken says that a combination of masturbation using pornographic images (a safe non intimate expression) and a series of meaningless sexual encounters are commonly used by the narcissist. The wounded individual has a strong defensive quality devoid of numinous (spirituality) and is power oriented. Ironically the narcissist will argue strongly that he does in fact have spiritual centering.
The salve for this wound can be found in two ways according to Ken. If the narcissist has a partner and can "learn to listen, hear and receive" what the partner can see about their wound they can change.
Alternatively if the narcissist is alone and can sit with the wound, without acting out in sexual expressions and feel the lack of reflection, healing can occur. In either case the narcissist needs to connect to Eros and relate to the feminine energy (if a man) in an effort to learn to relate to others.
It is helpful for me to see that there are scholarly psychological connections between narcissism and sexuality. I have found several sources as well as being told by my therapists that these are cocurrent. Knowing that there is this Jungian view is particularly relevant to me as I've been in analysis for two years and have a great respect for the work of Carl Jung.
So there we have it, seeking reflection of Self in others to fill a wound while avoiding self reflection and development of empathy and numinous.
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