What struck me the most was the reliance on Faith that these women shared. Faith which had already lead them to lives of forgiveness and second chances. Is this why we remain in partnerships beyond reason, beyond logic? We all had been told that life is difficult, marriage takes work and nothing comes easily. We look to God to tell us when enough is enough and pray for guidance. The problem is that in trusting the God outside of us we can loose sight of His true desire. God wants us to first love ourselves. He wants us to look within our own hearts.
I was raised Catholic, went to Catholic school all the way through college. I've been in many classrooms and church pews listening, talking to God and praying. At a critical point in my long marriage, when I could think of nothing more to do and feeling utterly defeated, I would lay on my bed and turn my palms up, asking God to do with me what he chooses, I was drained and at his mercy.
There are too many moments like these for partners of addicts and abusers, too many too bear. In many cases women stay, like I did, to preserve the family unit, weighing the scales of good and evil and believing that this is what God wants them to do. I followed this pattern and in the part of the abusive cycle when life is good I felt righteous in my temporary reward. If I could travel back in time and sit beside my troubled self, I would extend a hand and a word of encouragement that I am valuable and worthy of my own effort. But in the end, each woman leaves her abuser/addict when she is finished, whenever that is.
In my tribe we leave when we can finally demonstrate self love and we find that God will meet us half way.
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